My Fall began and i mean really began when my Testimony of Joseph Smith fractured. I know many other members knew that he was a polygamist, but i didnt. I knew that polygamy was a thing, i knew that but for some reason it really bothered me that Joseph was. I was always taught the narrative that polygamy came about because so many men were dying and there were so many widows. The men that were living were there to take care of the women. What a load of bull!! This is a lie! a straight up, bold face LIE! Guess what? 14 yr olds ARE NOT WIDOWS! Women who are already married ... ARE NOT WIDOWS. I have had this picture in my head about who Joseph was and i felt betrayed. It hurt me that the picture that was painted wasn't true. Prior to this point i had ZERO clue what polyandry even was. Joseph was straight up married to other LIVING mens wives. I mean can you imagine? ugg disgusting. Well where is the proof you say? Did i just hear someone say this and believe it at face value? NO i sure as hell did not. Here's the thing and i hope if any (TBM) True Believing Mormons are reading this that you will really hear this. "Anti- Mormon" is NOT what you think it is. If you ONLY look at, and read church approved materials you will only know the narrative they want you to know. There is such a full and deep history in this religion and so much information is out there. This " Anti- Mormon stuff is the History of this church. I started listening to a podcast called Year of Polygamy. This podcast is truly amazing and really opened my eyes to what the life of polygamy looks like from the women's point of view. I encourage anyone to listen to this podcast starting from episode 1 if you really want to know the truth about polygamy. The podcaster Lindsey Hansen Park gives ONLY factual evidence, she reads from the actual journals from these women and if there is information that we dont have concrete yes this happened she says so and makes it known that its just speculation. Some women we have a lot of background information for some we dont. Joseph married at least 34 wives. There were so many that he married WITHOUT Emmas knowledge OR consent. Now lets just pause for a second. Lets just say that polygamy really did come from God and that Joseph really is who he says he is. Picture in your mind the God you believe in , Picture Jesus Christ. Do you really think that God would send a revelation to Joseph and say " I want you to institute the Law of Polygamy and i dont want you to tell your wife Emma. I want you to hide it from her, i also want you to take and marry a young 14 yr old Girl to wife. Then when when your wife Emma asks about it Lie, lie to her. When the time comes i will reveal the next girl you are to wife. When she tells you that she is marrying another, send him on a mission and marry her while he is away." This happened! We have documented proof these things happened.
How is this picture in your head lookin? Doesnt sit right does it? Yeah didnt think so. Because the Jesus Christ i was always taught, wasnt a liar, he was supposed to be a humble and kind Savior, he wouldnt be dishonest and deceitful.
Its Disgusting. Polygamy is torturous... it is an evil evil practice. These women are denied the opportunity to love and be loved, What a sad life for them to live, and for the argument that they were being taken care of? Thats bull shit. How? how do i ask that one man can provide for 34 women and there children? Huh? how? He cant! Joseph was married AND SEALED to 26 women BEFORE he was sealed to Emma? I mean WTH! How does this make any sense? Oh and here is a real kicker. So Emma did not want to accept this horrendous law and fought Joseph on it repeatedly, she finally caved and agreed that she would behave if she could choose the wives he would marry. There were two sisters living in there home as helpers and she chose them to marry Joseph. Guess what? HE ALREADY DID! Joseph was sealed...again in front of Emma so that she could be a witness to the ceremony. So Emma stands there the fool having no clue that everyone in the room already knows that Joseph was already married and sealed to these girls. So again i ask, Can you really picture in your mind God, or Jesus Christ choosing Joseph to be the Prophet of his chosen church when he is a liar? Can u imagine the prophet deceiving like this? It is to much mental gymnastics. This hurt, learning the truth about polygamy really really hurt. I cannot accept this, polygamy is cruel and just flat out evil. This my friends was the moment my first shelf truly truly broke.
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