Yesterday i was reading something from a member who expressed an open mind about people of all religions and how God loves them all regardless of what religion they came from. He then ended with saying that "If you want to post about your religion (or other world views) and promote it, that's great. But why not just focus on promoting what you have and believe, instead of tearing down others' beliefs or religions in the process?"
This got me thinkin. As " Ex-mo's" we share Church History as a way to hopefully open members' eyes up to this religion, that it might help them understand why it hurts like it does when we discover the truth of the history. The problem is that most of the members have either heard this history told from the Church leaders and are not interested in hearing it from different sources, or they have found a way to square it in their mind and are building their testimonies around this belief. They are able to see the good and use it as faith building blocks to apply in their lives. My journey out of Mormonism didn't begin with church history. A huge huge part of all this that the members don't see and are not a part of is the community of ex-mo's. These people are raw, they are in pain and we listen to each others stories and offer support. When you leave Mormonism, and i can imagine any other organization that has such a significant influence into every facet of your life, you begin to recognize all the ways in which this religion has played a part in your life. Those moments are the true reason behind all the layers of why so many of us leave. Church history plays a huge part, but for a lot of us it is the last part, the final nail in the coffin if you will.
This is a day of electronics, the web, and social platforms. I don't think there is anything wrong with this at all, we just adjust to the changes in how the world communicates and we go along our merry way. One of the largest platforms is Facebook. In my time with Facebook it has evolved, i started off just sharing pics of my kids with family and really close friends. Then opening up to letting more people, perhaps people you don,t know all that well but you share commonalities into your fb world. Now we share funny videos of animals and we take silly quizzes. We use fb as a podium to express ourselves and our opinions. Like most things there are ways in which social media has its drawbacks: cyber bullying, predators and disconnect from one on one human interaction. One thing i have noticed is that some Members of the Mormon faith love to try to kick Ex-mo's off their podium. Likewise, some ex-mo's do the same when members share their testimonies and promote their faith. I have been the member who was hurt by ex-mo's seemingly "tearing down" my faith. I understand the confusion and said myself "why cant they just leave? If i left the church i would just go and leave it all behind."
When you are born and raised into generations of Mormonism and you leave... Your entire family is still in. They believe that you have destroyed your family! They fear for your eternal salvation. Tempers rise, tears are shed, relationships changed and in some cases ended. The reactions from loved ones still in triggers a roller coaster of "revelation" into how Mormonism has effected your life. As you then walk away from your community and everything that you have ever known, there is a big wide world out there to discover and in the center of that is you. Immense possibilities are open that were not before and the journey to discover who you are without Mormonism begins.
Every Ex-mo's story is different. I know people who have been disowned by family, some who were sexually abused by "trusted" leaders, some that suffered in Bishop interviews, some that endured years of shame and guilt. Some just heard the history and pulled the plug not having had any real serious qualms beforehand. Like every person, our experiences shape how we handle life and beliefs. In the beginning of the journey out of Mormonism, you feel anger. We feel lied to. Every decision we have ever made was based on our belief system. We can no longer see the church as a good and positive place. We want to use our podium to speak about it, we have a lot to say and a lot of healing to do. I understand. I truly, truly understand that to the believers it feels terrible to see and watch people you care about tear down something you hold dear. Some are more aggressive than others at doing it, but you know what? Perhaps their experience within Mormonism was more damaging. Perhaps they are receiving more blow-back from family and they are in pain. Part of healing as i have learned in overcoming sexual abuse is that you have to let it all in. In order to heal you have to face it, get angry, learn and grow, process and make changes. It is all the process in finding ourselves and defending our right to speak from our podium. Please don't try to kick us off our podiums, we don't have to just promote "good." Your beliefs invalidate my need to speak out. You dont have the right to shame my voice, and process to healing. We both have a right to speak out, to share our experiences, our beliefs , and to share our truth.
